So, here I am....

You would think that after being married for five years, having a baby and going through hell and back would make a marriage stronger. Well, not for me. Josh and I have been through so much and still managed to make it work. At least for a while. Things started to fall apart and no matter how much begging I did, things never got better. He would promise to change, and never did. I am not completely innocent either. I held grudges, was void of any emotion and never wanted to be touched. So, I left. For two weeks, I thought about things. I wanted things to work and I told Josh that we both had to change. We both had to make the effort. I put my whole heart into it. I loved him like I never had before. Josh on the other hand, didn't try. If anything, he worked harder and pushing us apart. He kissed a girl while we were apart. They kept texting and talking after I'd come back home. I found out on Friday night, that he'd told her that he loved her....and was going to divorce me for her. According to her, the only reason he got back with me was so that he could see Tayen and use the garage as a practice spot for the band. When the cops informed them that practice could not be held there any longer, things fell apart. Last night, Josh went out and got drunk. He refused to come home. He was sitting all close to a new girl at his friends house. Things all started to fall in place. He was adding her on myspace and talking to her while I went to pick up our daughter. Last night, he goes over to where she is, gets drunk and then refuses to come home. This is the last time that I allow him to walk all over me. I am a mom and a wife. I will not be treated with such disrespect. He can have all the groupies, whores and sluts he wants. But I won't be treated like I'm one of them. If he can't put me and Tayen first in his life, then I'm not going to beg him too. He made his decision last night....... And now I've made mine.